Managing Resentment When Your Partner Works A Lot

What’s strange about dealing with a workaholic partner is that even if we’ve been in their position—the resentment that can come with being the “less” busy partner can still hurt as though we have no idea what it’s like.

This is because though we might understand the need and drive for overworking, it’s not the primary source of tension. We’re hurt by our partner, potentially having their needs met outside the relationship. All of these emotions often lead to resentment.

Why Resentment Happens

Resentment can become even worse when it’s felt on both sides, which is common if one individual is working particularly hard to upkeep a lifestyle or finances. Addressing it can become even more complicated if one partner is experiencing severe workaholism, which can be considered a mental condition.

So how can we deal? We’re all frustrated, and in the end, want more time and attention from our partners who don’t necessarily have more to give. Yet—something has got to give. There has to be a compromise that works out the problem of well, work. If these troubles are yours, try these suggestions moving forward.

Avoid Nagging

This might be cringe-y if you already feel like a broken record. You might be asking yourself: “How can I voice my concerns less and be heard more?” Well, that’s precisely the idea. Whatever you do, and especially if you feel you already have, refrain from allowing your requests for more time to be seen as an obligation.

“Nagging” and reminding are two different things. If you get the sense that they are synonymous with one another, how you approach asking your partner for more time and energy might need some work.

Get and Stay Busy

One sure way to cope with your partner being busy is by being busy yourself. It’s not a tit for tat thing, but rather a means for you to have something else to focus on, as well as something else to report on. Chances are, your partner would be more intrigued to come home and hear about how busy you were instead of what you need from them. This intrigue may even instill a little sense of mystery where things tend to become mundane and predictable.

Communicate Effectively

Along with making sure to avoid nagging is the ability to communicate effectively. When tensions are high, and people are disappointed, questioning, and just plain tired, communication can get messy and hostile.

However, communication in this dynamic is the antidote to letting things spiral out of control. Avoid miscommunications, blame, and boiling anger from coming to the forefront by stating feelings intentionally, clearly, and civilly.

Manage Expectations

One essential facet to improving a situation with a partner who works a lot is managing expectations on both sides. One issue is two people openly disagreeing on what expectations should be, and another is simply not understanding what the expectations are.

Make sure to have a clear, compatible understanding of what the expectations are between both of you. Discuss boundaries with time, absolute hard limits, and game plans for when things feel out of sorts.

Not All Relationships Are Meant to Work, and That’s Okay

One of the hardest but most necessary things to come to terms within relationships is when change or lack thereof does not move the relationship in a desired direction for both people. If you’re not sure whether you’re in the right kind of relationship for you, pop into our quiz.

Understanding that dynamics in love tend to change is a challenge but can help drive issues to the surface when things are not working. Only you and your partner can say whether or not both of your expectations of each other are realistic. It might take some weeding through emotions and heavy communication. Stay kind, be patient, and love GR8TLY.