If someone says they’re in a relationship that never fights, they’re big fat liars. Whenever two people decide to become a couple, the moment they agree on it, they’re both signing up for a life of arguments. Of course, these arguments should be sporadic to remain healthy. When they become too frequent, you might be in a toxic relationship, and that’s not good.
Let’s look at some of the oh-so-common reasons couples fight. Most importantly, let’s look at how to get over the issue and stop fighting once and for all.
#1 – Money, Baby
Your love doesn’t cost a thing until it does. In every relationship out there, money is a massive trigger for arguments. Whether someone makes more money, or spends more money, or doesn’t contribute, or feels as if their contributions matter more, money is a dirty and touchy subject in relationships.
To put this into perspective, one-third of marriages fight over money every month.
How to Stop Fighting About Money
Don’t be one of those couples that get divorced due to money. If you notice you have this fight repeatedly, have an adult conversation about it. Listen, numbers don’t lie. Look at both of your finances, consider your budget, personal financial goals, and come up with a plan that makes everyone happy. If you have issues getting there, speak to a financial specialist that can help you figure out your joint finances.
#2 – Too Little or Too Much Sex (Yes, That’s a Thing)
We bet you’ve heard the argument for not enough intimacy. But most people don’t know that too much libido can also lead to issues. Part of every romantic relationship is intimacy, both emotionally and physically. However, what we think is a “healthy” amount of sex per day is often ruled by what the media wants us to believe. Have you ever asked your doctor what the absolute number is?
How to Stop Fighting About Intimacy
While planning out your sex life is not arousing at all, it might be the best way to stop fighting about it. Talk to your partner and openly discuss your sexual desires. Agree on what you both consider the perfect spot for sexual wellness in your relationship. Some couples go for twice a week. Others will feel like champs if they manage to do it once a week. Whatever you both decide, make sure you’re on the same page and respect it.
#3 – “You Don’t Spend Any Time with Me” Sound Familiar?
Many couples find themselves talking about their free time. Not necessarily how to use it, but why they don’t spend it with each other. Whenever a partner has some “free time,” the other one expects them to spend it with them. It’s a vicious cycle. Whenever this happens, it’s natural that one partner blames the other for choosing their careers over their relationship. Younger couples, for example, often fight about the time spent on social media versus face-to-face conversations.
How to Stop Fighting About Time
To start, be clear in what you mean about time. If you want to spend 24/7 with someone, consider your codependency traits, this might not be healthy. Instead of fighting over the amount of time the two of you spend or don’t spend together, be open about what your needs are. Also, try to be comprehensive. Sometimes, your partner might need some “me time” and others. You’ll be the one needing alone time. It’s all about being honest and transparent about how you want to use your time.
#4 – The Infamous Relatives
The cousin you can’t stand is coming over – again. Listen, you probably already have enough going on with your family, let alone having to deal with your partner’s family. While we want to consider them extended family, in the end, they’re not our relatives, and we cannot pretend that we have any say in how they live their lives.
How to Stop Fighting About Relatives
Stop caring about it. Truthfully, you can go crazy, trying to fix your partner’s relatives without success. Keep in mind that they aren’t your family, and it’s not your place to say or do anything. If the trouble is with your in-laws, find ways to build a relationship based on healthy habits. However, keep your eyes open for toxic family members, those don’t need to be around you, or your partner and setting boundaries around them is critical for the survival of your relationship.
#5 – Children Are a Hassle
When couples have children, the whole dynamic changes. Trying to raise children is complicated. Even though both of you get along, you both come from different backgrounds, and trying to fit both lifestyles into a parenting style that you both agree on can be tough. The arguments escalate when parents are divorced but are still co-parenting.
How to Stop Fighting About Children
For starters, watch out for becoming a helicopter parent, your child doesn’t need that. Then, remember to have an adult conversation with your partner and focus on building a strong relationship with your children. Whenever there’s a conflict, take a step back and try to see it from your partner’s perspective. A lot of parenting is about compromise, so make sure you’re ready to give and take when needed.
#6 – The Housework Dilemma
This is a big one, at least in my house. Cleaning is such a hassle and stress. And when one partner feels as if they’re doing the heavy lifting around the house, tensions rise. This fight can repeatedly happen over 50 years of marriage and never get settled. It can even lead to divorce!
How to Stop Fighting About Housework
Write it down. Even if one partner feels that cleaning up is a stress reliever while the other hates it to their guts, write it down. Talk to your partner and agree on who will take care of what. Divide the chores and set a schedule that you both need to follow. By dividing the tasks, you’ll avoid arguing about it since you’ll both know who’s responsible for what chore.
What If We Can’t Stop Fighting?
If no matter what you do or try, you can’t stop fighting with your partner, consider speaking with a counselor. Even if you’re not married, a couple’s counselor can help you navigate the ins and outs of your relationship to make it work. If stepping into a therapist room seems like too much, why not consider an online counselor. Fights will soon be a thing of the past once you start working towards a common goal.