The Real Reason You’re Not Feeling It 

If your relationship is at the point where you’re not feeling it any longer, you’re at a crossroads. Intimacy and an enjoyable sexual relationship are crucial for both partners to have a fulfilling and healthy relationship. Truth is, lack of sex drive is a common issue that many individuals experience, but have no idea how to fix.

So, it’s time to either find out why you feel like this and do something about it, or see the strain on your relationship increase.

There are a number of reasons that might explain why you aren’t feeling it. It may be something as obvious as the spark for your partner going out. Or there may be something more complex like an underlying hormonal or health-related issue.

If you commit to finding out why you feel like this toward your partner, here are some possible reasons that may explain it:

Bored in the Bedroom?

If you’re in a long-term relationship, you likely fell into a routine when it comes to sex. Maybe you plan what days of the week you have sex or even what position you will use. To be quite frank, it might be boring you.

As humans, we crave new and exciting things, especially when it comes to sexual adventures. When we engage in new things that excite us, our brains release a hormone called dopamine which stimulates the pleasure center in the brain. This is why new relationships and finding new sexual encounters are so exciting.

It’s time to spice it up. Explain to your partner how you feel. There’s a good chance they feel the same way too.

Talk openly with them about trying new things in the bedroom, or even outside of the bedroom. Find out what gets both of you excited and you will start “feeling it” again.

You Lack Self-Confidence

If you aren’t confident about how you look and feel, you will not enjoy sex as much as you could. If you’re self-conscious about your body, your performance, or what your partner thinks about you, you hold yourself back. It’s a turnoff for your partner, too.

You must find the root of your self-confidence issues and start loving yourself before you start feeling in the mood again. It’s another issue that is best solved with good communication and help from your partner.

You’re Stressed

You may be perfectly happy with your sex life and still find your partner as attractive as the day you first set eyes on them. But if you’re stressed in your daily life, your brain releases hormones that can negatively impact your libido.

It doesn’t matter how much you want it, or how much you want to want it. If you don’t lower your stress levels, you won’t be feeling it in the bedroom.

Relationship Issues

For some people, women more so, emotional closeness is a prelude to intimacy and “feeling it” for their partners. If you feel like there are problems in your relationship, it’s normal to not feel emotionally connected with your partner.

This may be a short-term thing due to a fight or disagreement. Or, there may be some problems with your relationship that run deeper. Either way, opening up a line of communication and working through the issues are the only ways to get over it and relight that spark you once had.

Your Lifestyle Is Sapping Your Energy

You need energy to really be feeling it in the bedroom. If you burn the candle at both ends or just live a really unhealthy lifestyle, you’ll be too physically and mentally drained for anything other than hitting the pillow in the evenings.

It’s time to get your priorities in check. How important is it to you that you make some changes to your lifestyle so you have enough energy for your partner? What was different in your lifestyle when you think back to when you were feeling it?

You’re on Medication

Some over-the-counter medications reduce the side effects caused by a lack of sex drive. If you think this is a possibility, read the instruction leaflet for the medication you take. The company lists side effects, so you will have your answer. If you currently take prescription medications, and certainly if you notice your sex drive drop around the time you started taking them, you should ask your doctor.

If this is the case, don’t panic. You might not need to stop taking your meds. There are often alternatives with different side-effects you can try instead, but this is something you need to discuss with your doctor, too.

Read more about lifestyle and sexual health for more insight into your how you can improve your sex life.